As we celebrated Father's Day this weekend I looked over and thought for possibly the millionth time that I hate that we can't have any more children. My husband is an amazing father. I mean, I might be a little bias here, but I venture to say he is the greatest father of our generation. Nobody could top this guy. And yet, the fact that he is the rock star of Papas (and I am a pretty great Mama, if I do say so myself) doesn't change the fact that we are unable to have any more.
We are locked in with our one sweet boy, and we are extremely blessed to have him. But it just doesn't seem fair, that a disease like endometriosis has taken so much from us. It has taken our ability to decide on the size of our family. It has taken a frightening amount of our money as we paid out of pocket for our IUI's, IVF and FET's, not to mention the thousands in insurance copays for procedures to fight the endometriosis that we can't seem to keep under control. It has taken my sick days, and my weekends. It has taken my time with family and friends.
As I sat down to write this final post on endometriosis for Bloggers for Hope, all I could think was how much I hate endometriosis. How tired I am of dealing with it. How tired I am of it controlling me. And what else was there to say beyond that hate for something that has stolen so much and sometimes feels like it has taken control of our lives. And then I realized that it only has as much control as I allow it to have. That yes, the things that endometriosis has taken from me are unfair. But if I am being completely honest, I realize that everyone has their hardships in life. Endometriosis is one of mine, but I refuse to allow this to control or define me as a person or us as a family. What matters is how we choose to handle these hardships, that is your legacy, that is what matters.
My husband and I stood together through our infertility battle. And we still stand together as I try to keep endomteriosis from taking over too much of my life. We are a different couple that we would have been without these trials, and I would never change anything about how strong we are together right now. Because of this disease, I have my son. Without it, the timing would have been different. We never would have done IVF, we might have had more children, but we might not have THIS child. This perfect boy that is the total light of our lives. We have him specifically because I have endometriosis.
Our lives are different because I have endometriosis, there is no question about that. But if I had the power to change one thing in my life, would I take away this disease and risk the other changes that might occur? I don't think so. In life you have to take the good and the bad. It leads us to the people we are meant to be. I have endometriosis, but it is not a flaw in my life, it is just a part of my journey. It is as important as I let it be. I can choose to be angry at having this disease, or I can choose to be grateful to the amazing life I have, hardships and all.
I choose to be grateful.
This is my last post as a regular contributing author here at Blogger's For Hope. Thank you so much for reading along along as I wrote about Endometriosis. I feel truly blessed to have been a part of such an amazing group of bloggers. Thanks!