What Am I Missing?

I have a secret for you.  This is for the male factor couples out there... shhhhh!

Do you know what your husband needs from you?

Let's face it, when this fertility journey starts, most of the focus is on you.  It is about your body.  Your eggs, your uterus, your embryos, your fetus, your medical conditions during pregnancy.  Then, it becomes harder when you are unable to conceive.  Then, what used to be enjoyable, fun, passionate, and intimate becomes scheduled, timed, on demand, and clinical.

Then, as you found out that your man is unable to provide the appropriate genetic material, you and your contributor, be it a known donor (?), a selected donor, some other method of getting you pregnant, or even adoption, means that you as the mommy have the special relationship with your child.  Emotionally, at minimum.  Physically, most likely.  Treatment for male factor is virtually non-existent, due to very high costs and low effective rates.  So your man is part of your life, but kicked to the reproductive curve.

So, your sleeping love is supporting you, loving you, caring for you, and helping you through all your desires to have children. But what does HE want or need?

First, remember that you got together for a reason.  He tells you he loves you and you are beautiful.  What did you see in him?  You see, too often, I have heard/seen/lived that women put the great parts of life on hold in order to have a child.  And they miss their relationship with their love.

ShSSSSSSSh! Don't start crying!  Just remember to make time for your relationship.  Even if you have children, you need to make time for each other, keep the communication and intimacy going.

Oh, yes, that word intimacy brings up the inevitable sex discussion.  Too often, the reproduction process gets in the way of meaningful physical closeness. Therefore, women tend to decide when and how sex happens. 

Does this happen at your house at bedtime? 

Double down on the fact that our esteem and self value is low due to the fact we can't get our woman pregnant, and you get trouble.  When you add in medications to help us improve our swimmers, we may experience some Viagra or Cialis required type problems.

Assuming, of course, you even let us within 15 feet of your sore, swollen boobs, aching ovaries, and out of practice lady bits.  I am not basing this on personal experience alone, but what I have heard and observed from others as well.  Why give up on this special part of your life & relationship?

BTW, if you wake him up by pouncing on him for intimacy, he will be very happy, as long as there are no life or death meetings this morning or heart arrhythmia in his medical profile.

Just remember your man has deep emotions and is deeply hurt by the prognosis that he can not father his own children.  That fact needs to be grieved in his own personal way, but together.

He also needs to know you will supporting him through this, honestly and truthfully.  But, only if you will show him the support he needs.