How do you protect yourself? For me, it's avoiding social events that I know will involve a lot of children. It's not watching shows about pregnancy. It's staying away from the things that I know to be triggers. What are your triggers when you are going through a hard time? Facebook? Child-centric events? Family gatherings? Baby showers?
Guess what? You don't have to participate in things that are going to hurt you even more. In May, when my depression was really bad, my niece turned 3. I had to tell my sister-in-law that I couldn't come. It killed me to tell her that. It had nothing to do with my niece. I adore her and my nephew. It had to do with all the other children that would be there and all the talk of babies. I couldn't handle it.
It was okay that I couldn't handle it. It's okay if you can't either. You have a responsibility to yourself and to the people that love you to take care of YOU. Don't subject yourself to something that will leave you crying out of despair at the end of the day.
How do you take care of yourself when the future looks bleak? You do things for yourself. You do things to distract yourself. Yes, you also need to process the emotions you are experiencing. Cry, scream, eat a whole tub of ice cream, do whatever it takes. Then pick yourself up and choose not to wallow in it. This is a hard one for me. I have a tendency to wallow.
When I'm really down I like to read. I can lose myself in another world when I read a book. Having that short break from reality is great. I also watch movies, they do the same for me.
To distract myself I make jewelry. I find it relaxing. It is something that I can do and see immediate results from. Seeing the finished product is satisfying.
To pamper myself I'll sometimes do a spa night at home. Sometimes I go get my nails done.
To get the support that I need I spend plenty of time around my mom when I'm down. She is awesome. She'll let me say whatever is on my mind and she cries with me. Twitter is another wonderful place for support. The women on Twitter have saved me from feeling completely alone.
What makes you happy? Do those things when you're down. If you don't have a hobby, find one. Make sure that you have a support system, even if it is on the Internet. While you are in this hard place of waiting, find out who you are. That's what I've done and finding myself and my voice has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.
Infertility will change you. Don't let it destroy you. Take care of yourself. Trust me, you are worth it.
