So get yourself a beverage of your choice so we can enjoy our visit. Did you get a coaster for your beverage? I thought you would, so let's take a little trip together.
I was thinking after visiting a friend this weekend, that guys just really fail at communicating with one another when we have needs. Especially when it comes to our hearts and testes. Oh, sorry, I thought you knew that this was an infertility blog!
Let me rephrase - I am confessing - guys SUCK at supporting each other in infertility! This is a general statement, but we need to deconstruct it, so we can improve and make it untrue.
Back to the story - Suzy & I stopped by some friends' house to drop off a gift to the dad. Mom was out of town, and adorable adopted son was sleeping, so we could chat for a few minutes. We talked about a whole host of topics, but one thing that kicked me in the complacency - Dad and Mom needed support after their adoption, and Dad lost most of his support once the adoption took place.
He needs guy time to talk about his thoughts, how his infertility issues are still painful, despite the joy of having his little man at home. He needs man to man help to discuss his thoughts, pains, disappointments, desires
Ladies, don't misunderstand this one. Mr. Dad has a loving, caring wife, and they talk through issues better than almost any couple I have ever met. But Mrs. Mom has her group of fairy godmothers, that come over, take her out every once in a while, and they chat and go to lunch. See! Girls have a natural way to support one another. Guys, not so much.
So, I tell you Dad's story, because I know I need to help my friend. I told him we would work on meeting for lunch and to just talk. But I have selfish reasons. I need that time as much as he does.
In our current society in Western Culture has isolated men, but a man with infertility is in the tiny minority. Usually suffering alone, trying to take care of his wife.
But if you don't put on that oxygen mask first when they drop, how can you help someone else when you are on the floor passed out?
Ladies, if your guy has male factor, I can tell you that somewhere in his dear head, he has some doubts, concerns, fears, or disappointment. Men are used to fixing things, and making you pregnant (via the normal methods) is one of our favorite ways of fixing things. When we are unable, it challenges our definition of ourselves. Our body fails us, and unlike the multiple options IF docs offer the female IF crowd, we have to suffer the indignity of having someone else step in for us in most cases.
So, guys, step up, be a guy, and support others guys that have IF. Even if they don't have male factor, they need support so they can support their wife or partner. Ladies, let your guy have that time to be a guy with a friend that can help him through this journey. Together, we can get through this.
You are not alone.