I have experienced two losses, and my grieving process looked substantially different each time.
I am no MD (...but I want to be one day!) and I am no psychologist (...and I don't everrrrrr want to be one), but I have known far too many people who have endured the loss of a child, and we all have grieved and coped differently.
Here are some things that I learned along the way about grief.
1. It's messy and unorganized. It hits you when you least expect it. For example, on the anniversary of my miscarriage I thought I'd be a wreck, but the day turned out to be pretty normal. When I found out Natalie Portman was pregnant, I cried big buffalo tears. Not happy ones either.
2. Don't be nervous to tell your doctor that you're having trouble coping. I put it off for weeks because I was scared he'd look at me like you're just sad, it will get better! Instead he told me he was glad I mentioned that to him and told me he wanted to work with me to make sure that I recover mentally, emotionally and physically from my miscarriage. I also told him about the extreme memory loss I was experiencing, and he explained that it could be from shock, anxiety, hormones, or all three. Just hearing that made me feel significantly less crazy. Your health is a complete package, and when it comes to your doctor, honesty is the best policy. Let your medical team support you.
3. Smile when you can. Chad and I went to a comedy show about two weeks after our second miscarriage and he felt so guilty about laughing. Truth is, we needed to laugh. We needed to get out of what I referred to as "the quiet house." It was so good for us to get out, and there is no shame in laughing. No one will judge you for it!
4. Eat lots of ice cream. Like, lots. Ok, this isn't a real tip but it worked for me.
6. Everyone grieves differently. Give yourself
I am well on my way, and I have hope that one day I will.
Even if you haven't experienced a miscarriage or the loss of a child, I think infertility in itself comes with a substantial amount of grief. Where are you in your grief process? How are others supporting you in this process?