I asked three Japanese women what they thought people should know about dating Japanese girls. They are Kotoe Yuka and Chiho. Kotoe is the owner of a restaurant in Itabashi in Tokyo. Yuka is an author and freelance photographer. Chiho, a nurse, is always on top of the latest fashion and makeup trends in Japan.
I asked them for their best advice and tips to help my fellow foreigners find their future wives, cool people to hang out and show them around or both. I asked each woman what their pet peeves were and what they looked out for on dates in general.
Three very different perspectives were shared as the evening wore on about dating a Japanese woman. Chiho’s matching makeup and nails shone under the dim lights of the restaurant. Yuka never stopped smiling as she translated to Chiho. Her serene smile mirrored the relaxed atmosphere of the restaurant. Kotoe laughed as she pushed the lever of the espresso machine in the Toronto style restaurant that she and a friend from college own. A black coffee and Banh mi were in her hand at one point.
They were not shy about sharing all the details of what dating a Japanese woman was like, based on personal experience. They wanted to correct the record and were not embarrassed or shy to answer some of my personal questions.
These tips will help you improve your chances for success when dating a Japanese woman and give you a better understanding of the unique and often misunderstood culture of Japan.
How to recognize the different types of Japanese women
There are different categories or types of women that foreigners need to know before dating a Japanese woman.
Chiho: Women don’t have the same categories as men. Japanese girls have distinctive makeup styles that reveal a lot about them, such as whether they are wearing Korean or Chinese makeup or Western style clothes. There are two distinct styles of Japanese fashion, lolita and gyaru.
Yuka: We don’t use the term “type” because we have access to many cultures and styles. The style of makeup and fashion they prefer is probably the best method to distinguish between different types of Japanese women.
Kotoe: Kotoe is a Japanese term that describes the various types of girls. There are kawaii kei (cute type), kirei kei (pretty type), and bijin kei (“beautiful style”), each representing a different type of girl. The “pretty types” are considered cool-looking girls, whereas “cute type” girls are thought to look like idols. The “beautiful type” is a more mature look with a strong positive connotation. Makeup and fashion can reveal a lot about a woman’s personality.
There are different categories or types of men that foreigners need to know before dating a Japanese woman?
Chiho: They are seen as aggressive leaders. Some women find it attractive that they flirt with many girls. However, some girls feel this is too much. Soshoku-kei, or “grass-eater types”, are usually soft or kind and tend not to lead much. They simply wait for the direction of the girl. There’s the roru kyabbitsu kei, or “rolled-cabbage type.”
It’s probably a dish from a different country that is made with meat and cabbage. On the outside they look like grass-eaters, but inside, meat-eaters. They may appear to be soft and kind on the surface, but they are often very assertive when it comes time to form relationships. There’s also zesshokukei, or the “fasting type,” which means that they are in love with fictional figures and don’t want to have sex.
Yuka: “I’ve never heard before of the fasting type.” *laughs. *
Kotoe: These categories are available, but they are not used to screen people when dating. It’s mainly just a way to describe your personal preferences or ‘type’.
Conversation Starters
You can see that there is a lot to be learned, so you should read the Ultimate Guide to Fashion and Style in Japan. It is essential to understand your personal preferences and what type of girl you prefer. This should not be viewed as a rule but rather a guideline for dating Japanese girls. You can use your knowledge of facial types to get the conversation going or to keep it moving. Ask your date what type she believes best represents you. You might be surprised at her answer.
You should be aware of your long-term and immediate goals before dating a Japanese woman
What are the expectations and goals of Japanese women when it comes to dating?
Chiho: Japanese girls are more concerned about marriage than foreign women, and I believe their expectations differ from those of foreign women. Foreign women seem to be more concerned with compatibility, while Japanese girls are concerned about whether they can marry their partner. We are constantly under pressure from our parents to conform to societal norms, whether we’re getting married or having children.
Yuka: Some Japanese women have given in their marriage papers, but they aren’t in love with their partner. They do it to stop their parents from pressuring them. If they want a relationship that will last a lifetime I would suggest marriage.
Kotoe: Marriage. That’s it. *laughs*
What do you make of the Japanese girls who say they want to have biracial babies or hafu children?
Yuka: It irritates me when people say this. It’s rude.
Chiho: Japanese women and people in general believe that mixing blood makes your child cuter. They think that if the baby has bigger eyes or a face like a sauce, they are cute. I can understand why they feel that way but I never gave it much thought.
Kotoe: laughs. Doesn’t that sound stupid? It’s funny that Japanese girls say this sometimes. I never would have thought of that.
Are you sure that Japanese girls want to be in a long-term relationship with foreign men or are they just playing around?
Yuka: It depends on who you are. I’ve heard there are many Japanese girls who want to date men from other countries, but their motives vary. Some girls just want the experience of sleeping with foreigners, because they don’t have much opportunity to sleep with anyone other than Japanese. *laughs. * Some people want to live abroad and are hoping to get married and obtain a visa. So, I’d say it’s a bit of everything.
Chiho: It depends on the individual.
Kotoe: The answer is that it’s difficult to say because everything depends on who you are. I know girls that want to be friends and have fun, but I also have girls that want a relationship. It depends.
Conversation Starters
According to the Ministry of Health, Japanese girls no longer marry before they reach the age of 25. Asking your date about their relationship goals is a great way to keep things light. It’s important to know what your date wants, regardless of whether you are looking for a long-term or one-night relationship. You’re more likely to get what you desire if you are upfront with your date. If you want to avoid sounding too demanding or pushy, take some Japanese lessons.
Untangling the webs of hookup culture and dating Japanese girls
Is it rude to ask Japanese girls if they are interested in a casual hookup?
Yuka: It’s more common to see it in Tokyo than other places with fewer foreigners. Most foreigners who have lived in Japan for many years are married. *
Chiho: Although I do not personally engage in the hook-up culture in Japan, it is very common. My friends like to hook-up with others, but Japanese girls are not concerned about your nationality or ethnicity. Japanese girls are more concerned with whether a man is rich or handsome. People who want to be in a serious relationship focus more on personality, while people who only want to have a good time and are not looking for a long-term partner don’t give it much thought.
Kotoe: We have hook-up cultures here as well. Some people are open and some aren’t. Japanese girls generally don’t differentiate between hooking-up with foreign men or hooking-up with Japanese men. It just depends on who’s comfortable and who’s not.
Some people have told me that Japanese women are more likely to cheat than Japanese men. This is true.
Yuka: My rule is that I will not cheat. I believe that trust is the most important thing in a relationship. I will not cheat nor allow anyone to do so *laughs*. * I don’t think Japan is any different from other countries in that some people are fine with their partner cheating, while others find it very offensive. In this case, I believe that women and men are equally affected.
Chiho (Japanese girl): If women are interested in a man, it means that he is attractive. This is a positive sign for Japanese girls. As long as it doesn’t affect me financially or I’m not made aware of his cheating, I’m okay with him. If men can cheat, I believe that women also can. Women who feel neglected by their husbands because they work long hours may cheat. The same rules should be applied to them. So long as you don’t hurt your partner’s feelings or finances, and that they don’t spread any illnesses, I believe it’s fine to cheat. *
Kotoe : I think men cheat more often than women. Women are more likely to break up with someone and move on, right? *laughs. I would never betray my partner, because trust is important to me.
Is it cheating to go to a massage parlor or a hostess club?
Yuka: Which massage parlors do we mean? *laughs. * I don’t think it’s cheating if they go with someone else or if the trip is for business. If my partner went alone, it would make me uncomfortable. Japanese girls tend to see these places as more of a business than anything else. There are exceptions, however. *laughs. *
Chiho: That’s fine with me. As long as I’m still receiving financial support from him, and he isn’t spending too much there, it’s not cheating.
Kotoe: Hostess Clubs? No, I would not consider going to a hostess club to be cheating. I don’t like my partner to be alone in a meeting, but I won’t complain if it’s a few times. I would not like it. Hostess clubs can be used by salarymen for business, but they are also viewed as places where people go to chat and sing karaoke. What about a massage parlor, though? Yes. You boss might still ask you to attend one. In that case, it’s like sexual harassment. If they ask you to go, it’s completely inappropriate. For more info about – meet japanese women.
